Enjoy it!
Right, with love in my heart for the boys, I origionally wrote this for a mate of mine a few years back. Don't get offended with my comic charater thingies! I was just taking the mick.

Anyway, get reading, rather amusing when you get going, enjoy and let me know what ya think either on my corkboard, on the 1st page, my guestbook, Planet FLC's message board or e-mail me :)

Intro:
The FLC need YOU… Mackie kicked off one night when Huey casually asked why it was he had so many scars. So now, they need a drummer…
What do they do? I'll tell you what they do, they tell the manager dude to go get them the best drummer he can find. Within the time space of 3 hours, a bottle of tequila to help the boy think and a random phone book which happened to be the one for your area.
After getting thru to many a random person, he stumbles upon your phone number. Rat-arsed and desperate, he rings your number (not much of a compliment, but does it matter? He called you didn't he?). You answer the phone… "yeah?" you say. "It's the FLC's manager here. Mackie's done a damn walk out. We need a new drummer immediately. You can bring along 2 chums, but they must be able to know technical shit. When can you get your drumming ass over to New York?" upon hearing the call of duty, you reply "When does the concord flight leave?".
A couple of mates or a mate and your better half, your choice are recruited and away you go.
You arrive and are limo driven to 33rd.

You're all a flutter, what do you say and don't say to the boys, what style do they like? How do you survive the lean, mean streets of NYC? Here is your Handbook…
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Which Crim are you??:

1: If you were caught smoking pot on a street corner with your possy, would you:
A: stand there like a pillack thinking that they're after someone else
B: Let them get you. Stand up for what you believe in!
C: Get your BMX and be out of there smartish
D: Fight them and resist arrest

2: Oh no! The tequila has run out but you wanna get pissed, what is your next beverage of choice?
A: Wine
B: Liquid crack (you wanna stop the pain)
C: Good ald larger
D: Turps (the only kind of stripper for you!)

3: You are offered 1 million dollars to get your kit off
Would you:
A: Do it without the pay and throw in 1 or 2 added extras…
B: Do it for MORE money
C: Think about it for a while
D: Not do it at all (you have your reasons… like scars)

4: It's one of the guy's birthdays, hells bells! You forgot! What do you do?
A: Quickly hire out Little Charlies and throw in some lap dancers
B: remind them that they forgot YOUR birthday (eye for an eye)
C: Get them a dirty card and buy them a crate of beer
D: Grumble some kind of commiseration and hand them an ice cold Capella

5: Some crazy bitch in the front row of the concert is shouting for you to take your clothes off right now, you:
A: don't take them on, you're used to the ladies
B: Arrange a time and place, exchange phone numbers…
C: Eye the honey up from a safe distance.
D: Tell Winston, to keep an eye on the crazy wench.




6: Huey's dog Sugar craps all over your new shoes do you
A: Say 'never mind likkle puppy wuppy daddy's not angwe wi' you'
B: shriek 'what the fuck!'
C: Not give a damn, worse things have happened
D: kill her and roast her on an open fire

7: Merry Christmas! But you're missing your bit of skirt. Do you
A: phone her up and start crying
B: Go to her place and get it on
C: you're already with her
D: sod her. She's a wench anyway.

8: Damon from Blurr comes up to you at the Met Bar and tries to hug you. Your 1st reaction is to:
A: Act like the Fonz and kick off saying; 'do I know you? Do you know who I am?'
B: Hug him back. Let's show some manly love.
C: Hug the guy and let him carry on with his drunken stupor
D: Knife him in self-defence

9: You need to take a holiday, the main elements you look for are:
A: sun, sex, drugs and rock n' roll
B: women. Women. Women and booze
C: drink. Clubs. A double bed. Pot
D: Tribal warfare

10: one of the guys becomes a dad! Heaven help us! You take the news
A: with tears in your eyes and cry for at least an hour
B: by running round screaming
C: well and wish the guy all the best, although you know you'll have to do all the work for a while now, but you don't mind
D: badly, but wish him all the best. You wanna get touring and you cant. This has made you angry…very angry
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Results:

Mostly A's: HUEY the second
You are really this guy aren't you! Huey, stop filling these tests in. It's not gonna be a fair test is it!

Mostly B's: Well hello Steve O!
Leaving the group was a pain in the ass, but it does not stop you being this crazy guy!!

Mostly C's: Hello Fisty Nuts!
You're as cool and collected as this guy with a bit of a nutty side.

Mostly D's: Mackie numero twono
Oh God NOOOOO!!! More than one of them in the world but are we ready for it all yet! The quiet type, a bit of a dark horse but deep down you care.

Mixed Answers:
A well rounded crim and a true individual, your crazy, fucked up… you'll fit right in! well done!

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%%the boys are taking you and your 2 mates on a tour of NYC... your crapping it as you don't even know where you are half the time and one of your mates is flirting wildly with Fast!!%%%%%%

The band have been very welcoming to you so far. They played Scooby Snacks with you: basic shit. Now that you've blended in with the boys the prospect of the tour is very scary. What if you talk the wrong talk? Well you've got it sussed, get a mate to do the talking, so if they're wrong, just say "it's my mate… what can I say?" but you decide not to now, as the other mate has returned their affections to Huey who is having a large portion, YES! So, you decide not to talk much and chat to Fast and let you’re other mate get the blow pipe out and sedate the flirty one and try and stop them getting their groove on with the bands lead.

All seems to be going well though…

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Nearly your 1st Live Gig!!!

Your crappin' ya kecks somethin' chronic… you play the renowned Shine in 3 hours… you know the songs… you know the words… you know the style. You've got it sussed.
But why the sweat? Is it down to a mate running off with the lead for hours at a time and him returning back to business strangely tired… naw… it's all down to the nerves.
Huey gives you a few encouraging words and Fast tells you he will help you out as much as he can. Yet in the whole, it's up to you. You need to bang the skins better than Mackie in order to get a permanent job as the drummer…
To relax, Huey asks you to go for a BMX jaunt with him, Fisty and ya mates. You timidly agree, remembering how Steve O met his fate…
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Can you even ride a bike? The boys expect any crim to have this natural talent... you sadly don't!

What do you do?

Do you:
A: You fake a bad knee injury and tell the boys that you would love to join in, but, you don't want the injury to get any worse b4 the gig.

B: Unleash the Cath machine to persuade the two hunks of burnin' love to get their collective groove on with her and thus a distraction is caused…

C: Admit the darn truth

D: Pretend you know what you're doing and say "well this is how we ride BMX from where I'm from ya know!"

E: Tell em' that your better half/best-mate is faint hearted and couldn't emotionally cope if you fell off so it's best not to agitate their frail mental illness (knowing full well you based the mental illness part on yourself, you evil dog!)

F: run off and hide

G: Pretend to have an epileptic fit there and then

H: Just tell the boys to teach you what they know!

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No right or wrong answer on that one...
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right, that's all folks, do let me know your answers and any comments!
scatzz@hotmail.com
cathgange@aol.com